Life is a battle November 16, 2009
Posted by confusedsince1984 in Daily update.Tags: Music, Video, Worries
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Okay, maybe I didn’t have to be THAT bitter in my last post, but I’m fed up! However, I suppose that’s a feeling I share with millions of other people who are also stuck somewhere and can’t find their way out.
Oh well, new day, new problems. Trying to book a ticket home to Sweden, but am completely unable to find anything within a decent price range. I just don’t know what to do. On one hand, I really can’t afford going home, but on the other hand I can’t bear the thought of not going home for Christmas. And it’s another point that can be added to my list of things I don’t know how to solve. It would of course be easy to just postpone it, and book it some other time. But then again, that would only push the problem to the future and make it even more expensive. AAH! What to do with this life?!?! Why does everything have to be so difficult and a struggle. Gosh, I remember having the same feeling in Australia, that whatever I did it was always difficult. Even crossing the street was a battle as the drive on the left side of the street…Hmm… after 3 years in UK I’m used to the left-side driving. So I guess I battled through it somehow, and I guess it’s exactly what I will have to do now again. During my 3rd year of uni I used to think that I was terribly fed up of studying, and that I will just have to wait and work, and eventually it will be over. Same thing again, wait and work, wait and apply and eventually this horrible recession will come to an end. After rain comes sunshine. It’s just has to be that way…. please!?
P.S 1; But surely I shouldn’t have to spend the rest of my life feeling that I will just work and wait until it’s over? That seems awful… :S
P.S 2; I think I need to find some kind of belief in some kind of God. Perhaps that would give me a sense of peace and feeling that everything has a purpose… For that reason I give you this song 
Lily Allen – Him
I just love Lily Allen’s pretty London-accent by the way
Confusions August 30, 2009
Posted by confusedsince1984 in Daily update, Rambling on....Tags: Confusions, Dance, Friends, Listmania, Music, Video
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I’ve been terrible at updating my blog lately! My deepest apologies! Or actually, my apologies aren’t that deep anyway. At first I didn’t feel like it, and then I haven’t been home. Simple and honest. Why make excuses? It’s my blog.
I got back from my country house tonight. My last visit of the year. On Wednesday I’m going back to UK for a nervous new start in a country that is familiar yet so unknown. I’m going to Oxford instead of Southampton and I feel both sad and excited. In one way I’m happy that I’m leaving because, by now, I’m getting quite fed up of applying for jobs I probably won’t get. Also, it will be nice to see my BF again. On the other hand, I’m moving to a new city where I don’t know anyone and the prospect of starting all over again actually isn’t that exciting. I’ve got loads of really good friends, and sometimes I wish I could take care of the good friendships I have. Another part of me is also completely petrified over the idea of moving in with my BF. But you only regret the things you never do, and I think I would regret it deeply if I didn’t try. Anyway, this is getting way too personal but now you know! I don’t see the point of pretending that I feel a 100% for everything I do. Only crazy people never doubt their choices so there’s certainly nothing wrong with feeling a bit scared 
I’m sure it will be great. I also really look forward to moving in together, it might be really fun! The idea of NOT sharing a flat with strangers also sounds like a dream come true so I’m really quite excited. The only thing that really, really bothers me is the fact that I don’t have a job, but that topic is so boring that I’m gonna end it here.
I spent Friday afternoon in Uppsala with my friend E. We were in the same class in UK and now we’re both done with out degrees and confused about the future. It was really good to see her, catch up and vent our problems a bit. I hope I will be able to keep good touch with her in the future. Usually, I don’t speak very much with my Swedish friends whilst in UK, mainly we keep in touch through e-mails or facebook. But I hope I will find a way to keep in touch with E over the phone. We’ve always got so much to say to each other and I wouldn’t want to miss half of it just because we can’t bother writing it down. I should really try to keep better in touch with all my Swedish friends. I will try my best. But there’s so much I want to do this autumn, I don’t know how I’m gonna find the time (and money) for all of it. Here’s a list:
- Find a full-time job, obviously
- Find a flat, also very very obvious and essential!
- Go to the gym
- Spend time with my BF
- Keep in touch with friends and family in Sweden
- Keep in touch with friends all over the world
- Get myself a drivings licence… I’m 25 God dammit! It’s about time!
- Find friends in Oxford
- Write a book
- Find a dance class… perhaps?
- Travel… as always
- Maybe find some time to do volunteer work
- Eat properly
- Go to London and Southampton to visit my friends there
Hmm.. yeah, that’s about it for now.. It’s actually quite a lot! Oh well.. it’s late and I’m not gonna be rambling on forever. Tomorrow I’m having dinner at H’s. It’s gonna be nice, but I feel a bit anxious as well. Don’t want to say good by again. My thoughts go back a forth all the time. One second I feel the urge to get away from Stockholm and everyone I know, I can feel so trapped and as if I’m choking here. Then when I think about the fact that I actually am leaving on Wednesday I feel so anxious about being alone and lost that feel like I want to cling on to anything that can hold me here. It’s tiring to always be like that. But I’ll probably always be like that, to a certain degree. I have never been able to make my mind up about any of life’s big decisions. Oh well oh well…
I couple of days ago I posted a video from So you think you can dance with this song. I really like it. It reminds me of something. Here’s another dance, but the full song in included. The song is called All I Want by Ahn Trio
Details in the Fabric – Jason Mraz August 19, 2009
Posted by confusedsince1984 in Uncategorized.Tags: Music, Video
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Heard this song on spotify today (gotta love it!) and I thought it was really beautiful, melancolic and yet peaceful. The kind of song that makes you think that you have to go your own way, still it made me feel a bit sad and alone. But I like it.
Dreaming with a broken heart – John Myers July 23, 2009
Posted by confusedsince1984 in Rambling on....Tags: Lyrics, Music, NaBloPoMo09, Video
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I looooove this song! Not that it relates to me in any possible way, but I still love it. I think it’s really beautiful Thank God I don’t have to dream with a broken heart! Anyways… here’s the song and the lyric with it
When you’re dreaming with a broken heart
Then waking up is the hardest part
You roll out of bed and down on your knees
And for a moment you can hardly breathe
Wondering was she really here?
Is she standing in my room?
No she’s not
‘Cause she’s gone, gone, gone, gone, gone
When you’re dreaming with a broken heart
Giving up is the hardest part
She takes you in with her crying eyes
Then all at once you have to say goodbye
Wondering could you stay my love?
Will you wake up by my side?
No she can’t
‘Cause she’s gone, gone, gone, gone, gone
Now do I have to fall asleep with roses in my hands?
Do I have to fall asleep with roses in my hands?
Do I have to fall asleep with roses in my hands?
Do I have to fall asleep with roses in my, roses in my hands?
Would you get them if I did?
No you won’t
‘Cause you’re gone, gone, gone, gone, gone….
When you’re dreaming with a broken heart
The waking up is the hardest part
