Things I never did… August 31, 2009
Posted by confusedsince1984 in Rambling on....Tags: Listmania
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Good morning! I’ve twisted my daily rhythm around so I can’t get myself to wake up before 11.30-ish for the last couple of days. Bad. Very bad…. Not that bad actually. It’s not really the end of the world, is it?
It’s Monday today. I’m leaving for the airport around noon on Wednesday. Feels so weird. I’m not sure how to get there. My dad will be out of town and my friends will be working. No one can drive me. I guess I’ll go by public transport. Don’t like going to the airport by public transport. Guess my dad has spoilt me a bit. It just feels so much calmer and less stressful to go by car. I remember the morning I was going to Australia though. I had only slept 2-3 hours because I had been packing, and when I woke up I was so nervous I couldn’t eat. I felt like throwing up. At the same time as being so excited about going to the other side of the world, I was also petrified as I had never lived away from home before. I was 20 years old and was still quite dependent on my parents. Anyway, we were supposed to leave at 6 am. My dad went down to the garage (it’s not our private one, it’s a big one run by our landlord) to pick up the car. 5 minutes later he calls us to say that the car port won’t open. Nothing seemed to work. We told him to try for another couple of minutes and then call us back.
Whilst waiting for that to sort itself out my friend D, who I was going with called me to say that we had misunderstood the check-in times and we need to check in within an hour. Because it takes 40 minutes to get to the airport I was getting quite anxious by now. My mum and I were discussing calling a cab when my dad finally called me to say that the door had opened and we could get into the car. My mum, brother and I rushed downstairs and I didn’t even get to say goodbye to my cat. She was also stressed by all the commotion and ran off when I tried to cuddle her. If I was feeling nervous before all this, then I was in sheer panic by the time I got into the car. I think I was crying. After about 10 minutes D called to say that he was at the airport and he had misunderstood the information again. There was no rush at all. We could all breathe out, say a proper goodbye to each other and then part. I remember how I tried to put on a brave face whilst checking in and then waiving a last goodbye to my parents. The second I turned the corner and was out of sight I cried and I think I cried more or less the whole way to Denmark.
All in all, my time in Australia was quite challenging from time to time. But, I never would have gone to UK if I hadn’t gone to Australia. So, as i said yesterday, you only regret the things you never do so I would never regret going to Australia because I did it, and I grew as a person 
But what do I regret?
- That I didn’t see Uluru (Ayers Rock)
- That I didn’t go parachuting over the Barrier Reef
- That I didn’t go for that second introductory dive when I was out on the Barrier Reef
- That I didn’t hug touch that snake at the Night Safari in Singapore
- That I didn’t spend more time with friends in my 2nd and 3rd year in UK
- That I didn’t get my drivings licence when I was still in my teens.
See! Only things I DIDN’T do!
Gosh, I’ve got so much to do today… can’t be rambling on here forever..
Confusions August 30, 2009
Posted by confusedsince1984 in Daily update, Rambling on....Tags: Confusions, Dance, Friends, Listmania, Music, Video
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I’ve been terrible at updating my blog lately! My deepest apologies! Or actually, my apologies aren’t that deep anyway. At first I didn’t feel like it, and then I haven’t been home. Simple and honest. Why make excuses? It’s my blog.
I got back from my country house tonight. My last visit of the year. On Wednesday I’m going back to UK for a nervous new start in a country that is familiar yet so unknown. I’m going to Oxford instead of Southampton and I feel both sad and excited. In one way I’m happy that I’m leaving because, by now, I’m getting quite fed up of applying for jobs I probably won’t get. Also, it will be nice to see my BF again. On the other hand, I’m moving to a new city where I don’t know anyone and the prospect of starting all over again actually isn’t that exciting. I’ve got loads of really good friends, and sometimes I wish I could take care of the good friendships I have. Another part of me is also completely petrified over the idea of moving in with my BF. But you only regret the things you never do, and I think I would regret it deeply if I didn’t try. Anyway, this is getting way too personal but now you know! I don’t see the point of pretending that I feel a 100% for everything I do. Only crazy people never doubt their choices so there’s certainly nothing wrong with feeling a bit scared 
I’m sure it will be great. I also really look forward to moving in together, it might be really fun! The idea of NOT sharing a flat with strangers also sounds like a dream come true so I’m really quite excited. The only thing that really, really bothers me is the fact that I don’t have a job, but that topic is so boring that I’m gonna end it here.
I spent Friday afternoon in Uppsala with my friend E. We were in the same class in UK and now we’re both done with out degrees and confused about the future. It was really good to see her, catch up and vent our problems a bit. I hope I will be able to keep good touch with her in the future. Usually, I don’t speak very much with my Swedish friends whilst in UK, mainly we keep in touch through e-mails or facebook. But I hope I will find a way to keep in touch with E over the phone. We’ve always got so much to say to each other and I wouldn’t want to miss half of it just because we can’t bother writing it down. I should really try to keep better in touch with all my Swedish friends. I will try my best. But there’s so much I want to do this autumn, I don’t know how I’m gonna find the time (and money) for all of it. Here’s a list:
- Find a full-time job, obviously
- Find a flat, also very very obvious and essential!
- Go to the gym
- Spend time with my BF
- Keep in touch with friends and family in Sweden
- Keep in touch with friends all over the world
- Get myself a drivings licence… I’m 25 God dammit! It’s about time!
- Find friends in Oxford
- Write a book
- Find a dance class… perhaps?
- Travel… as always
- Maybe find some time to do volunteer work
- Eat properly
- Go to London and Southampton to visit my friends there
Hmm.. yeah, that’s about it for now.. It’s actually quite a lot! Oh well.. it’s late and I’m not gonna be rambling on forever. Tomorrow I’m having dinner at H’s. It’s gonna be nice, but I feel a bit anxious as well. Don’t want to say good by again. My thoughts go back a forth all the time. One second I feel the urge to get away from Stockholm and everyone I know, I can feel so trapped and as if I’m choking here. Then when I think about the fact that I actually am leaving on Wednesday I feel so anxious about being alone and lost that feel like I want to cling on to anything that can hold me here. It’s tiring to always be like that. But I’ll probably always be like that, to a certain degree. I have never been able to make my mind up about any of life’s big decisions. Oh well oh well…
I couple of days ago I posted a video from So you think you can dance with this song. I really like it. It reminds me of something. Here’s another dance, but the full song in included. The song is called All I Want by Ahn Trio
What I want in life July 13, 2009
Posted by confusedsince1984 in Confusions, Rambling on....Tags: Listmania, NaBloPoMo09
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It’s late at night and I’m waiting for my BF to call… I was thinking of all the things I want to do in my life, thought I’d make a list
- Travel… a lot… but I’ll save that list for a later date
- Get a good job
- Change career and do something completely else
- Buy a flat in Stockholm
- Live in New York
- Learn a 3rd language… fluently! As well as I know English
- Learn to paint
- Work as an interior designer
- Start my own company
- Earn shit-loads of money
- Go backpacking around the world
- Settle down
- Party like it’s 1999
- Go on a party-trip to Ibiza, have looads of fun but still somewhat behave
- Work as a wedding planer
- Get married
- Have a big traditional wedding
- Have an unusual exotic wedding
- Have a really small and quiet wedding
- Realise that I should just skip getting married as I can’t decide how I want to do it
- Decide what I want in life
- Make proper plans
- Live life day by day
- Write a book
- Learn how to write a book
OK, the BF just called so I’m calling it a day now… but I could go on for quite some time!!
xxx
