Personal bankruptcy next? September 19, 2009
Posted by confusedsince1984 in Confusions.Tags: Confusions, Flat hunt
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I think I’ve reached some kind of end point today, or perhaps the beginning of an end. I don’t really know what to do anymore. Yesterday we had 3 flats that we were interested in. We had ranked them in order of interest and were ready to call the agents and start making offers. We called the first one. She wanted 12 months upfront, was rude and we’ve been going back and forth with this agent for ages… I felt fed up and I told the BF to give up on her. There’s only so much you can take, I don’t understand why these people think they can be rude to their clients. Do they want to make money, or do they want to think highly of themselves?
Anyway, we called the second one and made arrangements to come into the office to make an offer. We paid £6 to get there, and took the time to travel for an hour to get to their office out of town. Once we get there the agent starts taking out details. When she realised that we don’t have any guarantors in UK, and that my contract is only a 6-month one, then she starts speaking about how that’s a big problem. She also has the nerve to mention that this is the reason why they take all of our details before the viewing, not to waste anybody’s time. Excuse me? Am I wasting their time by wanting to rent a flat? By being willing to pay 6 months upfront and giving them every detail of my financial situation? Is it my fault that they clearly didn’t ask enough questions if I’m such a waste for them? What about them wasting MY time! I spent the most of the day preparing for a meeting with them, and then they tell me that I waste their time? I could’ve spent the day making arrangements with another agent, that actually wants both my, and my BF money. I just can’t believe how rude people can be. I don’t care if it’s Friday afternoon, that’s still not reason enough to be rude to people who are trying to start a new life. F them!
So anyway, we go home, feeling beat down. Pick up some food on the way and I start cooking. Chopping potatoes and parsnips, was going to put them into the oven and make something really yummy. All of a sudden a tiiiiiny bit of smoke comes out of the oven (I think it’s because it hasn’t been cleaned properly) and the smoke alarm sets off. Why do you put a smoke alarm in the kitchen? Right over the oven? We manage to silence it after quite a while, but as we didn’t know how it works we didn’t dare to cook the food anyway. Turns out that after a while the alarm would’ve spread to the whole building.
So fine. No flat. No food. It’s 9pm. Friday night. 9 pm. So terribly depressing. Finally we make something quickly, just to get some food. Spend the rest of the evening in front of the TV and go to bed.
Woke up today. New day. New beginning. We’re gonna call another agent and make an offer. The last one on our list. The BF calls. No answer. Hm. He calls again. Someone picks up. The flat has been taken by somebody else. It’s gone. We’ve got nothing.
In fact, we were closer to finding a flat the first day we arrived here than what we are now. We been here for 17 days and still not even close to finding a flat. BF starts uni on Monday. I have my first day of work tomorrow. Oh yeah, forgot to tell you… I worked a trial shift a couple of days ago and I got that job. Minimum salary. £5.73/hour. I make less money now, than what I did when I graduated from high school. I need to make a minimum of £6.90/hour just to be able to pay my bills.
So here I am. Sitting in a beautiful apartment that we have to move out from soon. I’ve got a job that pays less than what I earned 5 years ago. I’m up til my neck in student debt that I need to start paying back in January. I’ve got no flat. And even if I find one it’s too expensive. It’s madness. It really, really is. Maybe I should just get the BF into a flat share, make sure he’s fine and then go back to Sweden. This is really how I feel today. Everything feels like shit. Yeah, yeah… I’m sure it will work out somehow.
But what if it doesn’t?
Frustration September 16, 2009
Posted by confusedsince1984 in Confusions.Tags: Career confusions, Confusions, Flat hunt
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We are in the most ridiculous situation at the moment. We have/had a flat that we’d like to get, BUT we can’t get it because I need a job. So I called Marks & Spencer on Monday morning to see what they could do, but still no reply! It’s just SO frustrating, we’ve got a great flat for a decent price, but we can’t get it because I don’t have a job. And I couldn’t get the job in Marks & Spencer right away as I didn’t have an address. So then I need to get a flat, but I can’t get a flat because I’ve got no job. It’s so frustrating that I don’t know what to do! We’re just sitting here, not knowing what to do. I apply for lots of other jobs, but at the moment I really need a job ASAP and then Marks & Spencer is the best option. It makes me really tired and kind of sad, the situation feels so difficult and hopeless. And the BF starts uni on Monday. On Monday! Where did all those days go? I need to call the storage I’ve got in Southampton to extend my contract. I was supposed to pick up my stuff on Sunday the latest, but that’s not gonna happen as it is now.
The whole thing is just so frustrating, but I’m sure it will work out soon. But there’s always that little voice in my head asking what if it doesn’t? What if we don’t find a flat? What if I don’t manage to solve the job situation? What on earth do I do then? If I wasn’t here the BF could’ve gotten himself a room in a shared student-house without any problem. He would’ve settled in by now, he would be hanging out with his new flatmates and enjoying the last couple of days before uni starts. But instead he’s stuck in a short-let with me. It’s not fun to be the problem all the time, I don’t want to feel like a burden. But then again, I’m sure hope he doesn’t feel that way, and he chose this himself so I guess I shouldn’t be worrying about that. And if I do worry about it then I can just turn 90° and ask him.
Oh well, I bought food and gonna make him some tacos now! 
It’s gonna be yummy! xxx
Confusions August 30, 2009
Posted by confusedsince1984 in Daily update, Rambling on....Tags: Confusions, Dance, Friends, Listmania, Music, Video
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I’ve been terrible at updating my blog lately! My deepest apologies! Or actually, my apologies aren’t that deep anyway. At first I didn’t feel like it, and then I haven’t been home. Simple and honest. Why make excuses? It’s my blog.
I got back from my country house tonight. My last visit of the year. On Wednesday I’m going back to UK for a nervous new start in a country that is familiar yet so unknown. I’m going to Oxford instead of Southampton and I feel both sad and excited. In one way I’m happy that I’m leaving because, by now, I’m getting quite fed up of applying for jobs I probably won’t get. Also, it will be nice to see my BF again. On the other hand, I’m moving to a new city where I don’t know anyone and the prospect of starting all over again actually isn’t that exciting. I’ve got loads of really good friends, and sometimes I wish I could take care of the good friendships I have. Another part of me is also completely petrified over the idea of moving in with my BF. But you only regret the things you never do, and I think I would regret it deeply if I didn’t try. Anyway, this is getting way too personal but now you know! I don’t see the point of pretending that I feel a 100% for everything I do. Only crazy people never doubt their choices so there’s certainly nothing wrong with feeling a bit scared 
I’m sure it will be great. I also really look forward to moving in together, it might be really fun! The idea of NOT sharing a flat with strangers also sounds like a dream come true so I’m really quite excited. The only thing that really, really bothers me is the fact that I don’t have a job, but that topic is so boring that I’m gonna end it here.
I spent Friday afternoon in Uppsala with my friend E. We were in the same class in UK and now we’re both done with out degrees and confused about the future. It was really good to see her, catch up and vent our problems a bit. I hope I will be able to keep good touch with her in the future. Usually, I don’t speak very much with my Swedish friends whilst in UK, mainly we keep in touch through e-mails or facebook. But I hope I will find a way to keep in touch with E over the phone. We’ve always got so much to say to each other and I wouldn’t want to miss half of it just because we can’t bother writing it down. I should really try to keep better in touch with all my Swedish friends. I will try my best. But there’s so much I want to do this autumn, I don’t know how I’m gonna find the time (and money) for all of it. Here’s a list:
- Find a full-time job, obviously
- Find a flat, also very very obvious and essential!
- Go to the gym
- Spend time with my BF
- Keep in touch with friends and family in Sweden
- Keep in touch with friends all over the world
- Get myself a drivings licence… I’m 25 God dammit! It’s about time!
- Find friends in Oxford
- Write a book
- Find a dance class… perhaps?
- Travel… as always
- Maybe find some time to do volunteer work
- Eat properly
- Go to London and Southampton to visit my friends there
Hmm.. yeah, that’s about it for now.. It’s actually quite a lot! Oh well.. it’s late and I’m not gonna be rambling on forever. Tomorrow I’m having dinner at H’s. It’s gonna be nice, but I feel a bit anxious as well. Don’t want to say good by again. My thoughts go back a forth all the time. One second I feel the urge to get away from Stockholm and everyone I know, I can feel so trapped and as if I’m choking here. Then when I think about the fact that I actually am leaving on Wednesday I feel so anxious about being alone and lost that feel like I want to cling on to anything that can hold me here. It’s tiring to always be like that. But I’ll probably always be like that, to a certain degree. I have never been able to make my mind up about any of life’s big decisions. Oh well oh well…
I couple of days ago I posted a video from So you think you can dance with this song. I really like it. It reminds me of something. Here’s another dance, but the full song in included. The song is called All I Want by Ahn Trio
